Help! I'm on Tramadol and can't get off. What do I do?

I am hopelessly addicted to Tramadol. I was prescribed then for back pain by a doctor who told me they weren’t addictive. I never found that they worked all that great for pain but I found that I really loved the speedy high they gave me and I began taking them for energy and good mood all the time. I was supposed to be taking 2 50mgs pills per day and I quickly rocketed up to like 20 or so per day.

They’re easy to get on the internet and all was well until I ran out for a couple of days before my next package arrived and it was hell. I figured that even though my doctor told me they weren’t addictive that I’d have to go through a little something after taking so many but I was shocked at how horrific I felt. I was so irritable and I had these very unpleasant restless legs and I felt really anxious and down. As I write this it doesn’t so sound like it was so bad but honestly, it was the worst 2 days of my life and I have never been so relieved to get that package come in the mail.

That was over a year ago and since that time I’ve been too scared to try quitting on my own again. I no longer have any medical reason to take these pills at all and they now totally dominate my life. I used to be a pretty even keeled person but now I am either in a good energized place when the pills are working or in an anxious and irritable and uncomfortable place in the dips between.

I just want to feel normal again. They are also totally affecting my memory and my ability to think. I just want to have a clear head again and I am also starting to have trouble affording my habit.
How do I get off these pills??? I don’t think I need rehab or anything like that because at this point I am totally not using these pills to get high anymore, just to keep those terrible feelings away. I have tried tapering down but I am useless at it and always bounce back up.