Exasperated Mother

Dear mom, my heart goes out to you as this is a too familiar scenario across our country.

The fact that your son is "holding" drugs for a friend and so familiar with the "street names" tells me he has access to a broad range of drugs. When teenagers use drugs and/or alcohol, it is better to overreact then to under-react. The prefrontal cortex of the brain is continuing to mature and doesn't complete this process until around age 25. Introducing drugs and alcohol to an immature brain changes it's neurochemistry in deleterious ways. Your son displays behavior serious enough to seek professional help. Interventions to disrupt disturbed, irrational, reckless and illegal behavior is called for at this junction. If not now when? How many more years do you have to show him you care enough to do whatever you can to help him. After he reaches eighteen you will have little recourse except to disengage, or watch the train wreck. As an adult he will become solely responsible for his own behavior. Not knowing his age or any other specific details about the situation, I cannot reliably predict what you are in for; unfortunately when you deal with drugs and alcohol it will always be unpredictable.

From what I understand, your son is from a broken home. He seems to be more influenced by his peers which he is around more than his parents. Meanwhile, you are working two jobs in order to support your family, and his father gives him more money than his job deserves- possibly to soothe his own emotional guilt for the dissolution of the family unit. Unfortunately, this is a formula for disaster. Your son needs nothing more than the attention, guidance and the emotional comfort of his parents. Adolescents, by nature, seek out groups or "clicks" in order to "fit in" when their world turns upside down. Many times these groups are made up of other adolescents from broken homes seeking escape from emotional pain. Drugs and alcohol provide immediate relief and tantalize the pleasure-reward centers of the brain nurturing and ushering in these "developing teenagers" to the life of addiction. While intoxicated on substances, the brain's capacity to make rational choices and decisions is compromised-ultimately making one behave recklessly and out of control.

Perhaps you and your ex-husband can unite in the best interest of your son and seek professional help that can guide you to the resources that are needed, so that your son can find his way in this life without resorting to substances to escape his emotional pain. There are excellent programs available that could help your son restart his life.

Do your "due diligence" and educate yourself on the negative, long-term effects of substance abuse. I've been in this business for quite some time and I have never seen one success story from continued use. The younger the person starts using drugs and alcohol the more likely they will become dependent on them and have long-lasting behavioral and emotional problems. Addiction becomes a disease for the user, as well as for the family as no one will come out unscathed. You owe it to yourself to do what you can while you have an opportunity, otherwise you may be dealing with this child for the rest of your life.

Best of luck

Jeannie Cameron

Naples, FL