Getting Sober Alone Sucks

Hey, so the whole back to nature thing is something I hear a lot. Everyone at some point considers living out Thoreau's books and it's almost never a good idea. You're describing two extremes (alcoholics only live at the extremes before recovery). You can be alone and sober or you can be surrounded by people and drunk - no in between - no moderation.

Your "demons" are not urban nor are they external to you. There's a slew of things in the city that trigger you and make you want to drink but your demons are internal. Alcoholics are always emotionally immature before Recovery. You feel like a kid and you just wanna play and be carefree and the truth is that deep down you're scared shitless.

Time to get right. Get sober and surround yourself with people who want to be sober and want to really LIVE life not just enjoy a three martini lunch (that's surviving and hiding from being a grown up). Good news you can grow up without being a "grownup." Get yourself to about a hundred AA meetings and see first hand that people have FUN sober. See that they have friends and love and all the stuff you really want and they have it without alcohol. They have it - you can too.

Good luck - forget the cabin and get into counseling, a doctor and most importantly, AA