Should I Take Medicine for Panic Attacks? I Have a History With Addiction.

You need to change the way you work with your doctors.

First, you need to be straight with them. They need the right information in order to do their job, and you're not giving it to them. When they decide on what to do based on inaccurate or incomplete information, bad things can happen, even deaths.

If you can't be straight with your current doctor, get a new one and be absolutely straight. You are not there to impress anyone, least of all someone you hire to give you medical services. Find a doctor you can work with, and keep looking until you find one you like.

Second, in your case, you should be working with a specialist. You are describing two conditions that a lot of doctors in general practice are not prepared to treat expertly: anxiety disorders and addictions. Your addiction is in remission, but it still requires attention in the treatment. The anxiety disorders you describe are not the garden variety that the family doctor usually takes care of. The kind of specialist for these disorders is a psychiatrist. They are the experts with these things, and your doctor should be referring you to one. They have the necessary knowledge and experience regarding the conditions, the medications and the treatment protocols.

Thirdly, stop trying to be your own doctor. You are trying to decide which medications to take by doing your own research over the Internet and withholding information from your doctor? This is foolhardy. 

You can get these problems under control quickly and get on with creating a happy life, but it will take teamwork with medical experts, where you do your part and you let them do theirs.

Get to work today on lining up an appointment with a psychiatrist, and invite them into your confidence to get this problem solved ASAP. There is no need to stall and worry over it. You'll feel better as soon as the appointment is made. 

One more thing: Get it straight in your head whether you want to stay clean or start using again. It's not unusual for the dormant addiction to find it appealing to take an anti-anxiety med, especially when there is a good excuse. If that were the case, you couldn't tell the doctor about the addiction history, now could you? Don't let the addiction rear it's ugly head. Decide what you want and get going on it.