What you do really annoys me!

I have been working in my mind to understand what is possibly going on for you and these are some of the scenarios:

You could like things to be precisely correct for yourself and because she like most human beings is not perfect you could find her behaviour irritating. The question here is are you as demanding with other people as you are with her. Are you as demanding for yourself as you are with her. If this an OCD type problem, you will probably find professional help useful.

Your wife may remind you of someone who has made you unhappy in a particular way, so what she does is triggering memories which you do not like. You two may come from different cultures/class groups and may have different ideas about how you should behave in different circumstances. Perhaps if you could look at the behaviour as not hers but belonging to a different group, that may help.

You may be angry about some other issue which has not been resolved and it is coming up in this way. She may be angry with you and not able to speak about it, but be generating anger in other kinds of behaviour.

Clearly, there are no clear communications between you on this and probably on other issues. It may be worthwhile finding out how she is feeling about things, how she feels the relationship is going for her. I would suggest that you keep a diary of the annoyances and then you can get an overall picture. Writing them down may reduce the level of your involvement in annoyance and give you some insight.

You could balance things out be having quality time with her where these annoyances would not surface. If you are unable to resolve the issue, I would suggest that you find some face to face counseling to work your way towards a solution for your both.