Post Partum Depresion
I want to know that there is hope..
About 5 months ago, I endured an extremely traumatic and almost fatal birthing experience with my son. Shortly after I began suffering from postpartum psychosis. I was diagnosed with bipolar and mania. My sons father left me immediately when he began noticing my change in behavior. He took me to court to keep our son away from me because of the mental state I was in. I have since been treated and medicated, but I am only allowed to see my son twice a week and supervised right now. I really haven't been able to bond properly with him and I am afraid that he doesn't know I'm his mother and worse, I'm afraid that he thinks my ex's new girlfriend is.. On top of this, I am dealing with a severe depression derived from this situation. I had to move back home, I left my job, and my car was repossessed. I have a substantial amount of debt and unpaid bills. Not only am I afraid I'll never get my son back from this, I'm afraid I won't 1. Know how to take care of him if I do 2. Be able to provide for him 3. Be the mother he deserves. I spend a lot of time comparing myself to his father. He makes a lot of money, has a new car, recently for promoted at work. He has always been a materialistic snob and I know he is looking down on me.. I feel so inferior and just downright awful. I feel like I'll always be less of a parent. I have put on a few pounds and I no longer wear makeup. My hair is falling out. I hardly have the energy to even shower most days. I'm disgusted with myself. I am beat down as far as I can be and I can't get up. I want to recover from this. I want to have a car and a good job. I want to meet someone new someday and be happy. I want to be a good mom to my son and give him the best life that I can. And all of that feels impossible. I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing "everything will be okay" and "it will get better." I don't want to wake up in the morning I don't want to go on. I just don't see how things can get better. I am writing you to ask of you have ever known of anyone in a similar situation that has come out of it okay and ended up successful and happy. Or if you know of any resources where there are recovery stories from people like me. I need to see or to believe it. I need to have proof that things can get better for me. Thank you!
Jim LaPierre Says...
Hello and thank you so much for reaching out! The short answer is yes - I absolutely have seen people rebuild their lives after losing absolutely everything - in fact, I've helped hundreds of folks do so. My first suggestion to you is to stop comparing yourself to anyone - especially to your husband. Doing that will only ever make you miserable. You don't have to have as much or be as much as he is (is he really all that anyway?). You simply need to become the healthiest version of you possible.
I recommend mantras to folks - something to center around that's real - example - "My best is always good enough."
I get it - what you're going through feels like a unique form of hell - but I assure you that not only have countless folks come through similar straits, I also say that we are the very best people. We who have suffered greatly love most fiercely.
Resources for postpartum depression - locally would be best identified by your doctor or psychiatrist. Nationally I would encourage you to contact NAMI for support resources. I would encourage you to consider group therapy that is specific to your diagnosis and I would urge you to ask friends or loved ones to hold you accountable for the changes you seek to make. This is a very hard journey - but you absolutely can do this!!
Blessed be,
Jim
Page last updated Mar 26, 2014
