Rescuing and Denial of Self

Thank you for writing. It certainly sounds like you've been through hell and back over a long period of time. As you seek to support others I wonder what you are doing to care for you? You sound like a loving person who seeks to promote the well being of others. My gut feeling is that as you seek to care for others, you may find yourself crossing a line between caring for them and taking care of them.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish - in fact it is vital if you seek to serve others. You sound like you've burned out and like you've buried a lot of negative emotions and stress. Who do you lean on? Who supports you?

I urge you to take a step back and consider how you're coping. You're saying abusing substances and using alcohol have been a problem - are they a problem now?

Bottom line - it's like when you go on an airplane and the flight attendant tells you that you need to put your oxegyn mask on first - there's a very good reason for that. Get yourself amongst friends and share what's going on with you. I encourage you to see a counselor and be honest with them - get some objective feedback and make a new plan. Good luck!